In trying to work through some things, I have felt like sharing an experience that took place a little over a year ago. It's a little different than my other posts, but this is more for me than anything else.
Walking around seeing Christmas lights. Flirting while playing pool. Sharing our first kiss in a crowded movie theater. Walking hand in hand on our way back as he steals a few more kisses.
That doesn't happen to someone like me. At least that's the mentality I'd had the majority of my life.
I was soaring. I'd never felt so amazing in all my life. This is what I'd seen in movies, what I've watched others experience. Finally, that feeling was mine. The perfect date to share with someone who, in my mind at the time, was the perfect guy. Emerald green eyes, soft smile, and sweet words. he has me from the start. By the time we got back to my car to head home, I was the happiest I had ever been.
Everything changed so fast.
Listening to his CD in my car, I saw it, but chose to ignore it. i just wanted to continue to lose myself in those eyes and draw the feeling out as long as I could.
Searching deeper as he drew closer, my heart continued to sink - I didn't wanna lose this. We said our goodbyes and he left his promise.
And then a change.
I was trapped until morning. I called anyone who I thought could help, but the y were all unable. he said he'd stay with me until everything could get figured out. I was so very grateful to have the company.
In hindsight, I would've been better off alone.
I continued to fall for those green eyes - in my exhaustion I couldn't see any other way. Ignoring the voice in my head screaming "NO NO NO". I never uttered a word.
I began my drive home in the afternoon. His words echoed in my head as I continued to play the whole experience in my head over and over again. The voice in my head finally broke through the haze, and realization finally hit me.
If only I had known what was to come. Maybe I wouldn't have fallen prey to that feeling, and would've been able to avoid all the others.
Regardless, what has happened has happened. I continue to work on putting it behind me.
Still as hard as I work at it, I still see those emerald green eyes.
Steff
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