Do you have a friend/family member who struggles with depression? Are you tired of feeling helpless and just want to know how to cheer this person up already? Do you wish this person would just talk to you and let you know what's wrong? If you answered yes to any of these questions, then this blog post is for you.
First, lets start by distinguishing the different types of depression. Depression is not an uncommon emotion that all of us will feel or have felt at some point in our lives. This is normal. However, there's another form of depression that lingers longer and happens to people who otherwise should be happy. This blog is for people who fall into that category.
So you have a friend or loved one... or a friend that is a loved one. Who just seems down all the time. They have a good life. They're employed, have a family who loves them, nothing traumatic has happened to them. Yet this person still seems to feel down. What can you do to make them happy again? How can you get them to open up to you?
The answer is very simple. You can't. Chronic depression is a (and I hate this term) Mental Disorder. There's something going on inside of them that causes them to feel down. Because there's not an event or anything in particular that caused them to feel this way, there's nothing you can do to fix it. Chances are this is the very reason that this person isn't wanting to open up and talk to you about it. It's awkward to tell someone without depression when you're feeling down because there's absolutely nothing they can do to fix it so you just feel bad for putting them in a position where they want to help but can't.
But wait, you can just cheer this person up by taking them out and helping them forget about everything, right?
Wrong. The depression is coming within them which means that there's nothing for them to "forget." Trying to get them to go out will probably just lead them to having to force a smile and interact with people when all they probably want is to curl up in a ball and be by themselves.
So what can you do?
While this will vary from person to person, what I've found that most people with depression want is just to know that people care. The best thing you can do is just be a consistent good friend (i.e. not just a fair weather friend and not just readily available in crisis). Chances are this person is just having a depressive episode and just needs to let it take its course and relieve the emotional pressure. The best thing you can do for them is just care and be there when they need you.
Depression is not a choice people make, and for some people it's just something they have to learn to live with. This doesn't make them a broken person nor does that mean that they can't be a happy person. Depressed people just need what everyone needs - love :)
Steff
Thursday, June 6, 2013
Monday, February 25, 2013
Emotional Extraction
Been having stuff go through my head a lot lately, and I really feel like I need to get it out of me.
So I've struggled with depression since I was a kid. It's just been one of those things I've learned to deal with, comes and goes and what not. However, lately it's just been coming, not going.
Throughout my life, I've had various ways to cope with my abundance of emotion, but most of these methods weren't healthy and caused further emotional stress in the long run. My most destructive methods of coping went on for about 2 years. It's now been over a year since I've gone through that, and I feel like those wounds are now mostly healed. My life has reached a relatively stable point and things are really going well for me currently - My dad isn't on the brink of death, I'm making good choices, I'm enjoying school, and I enjoy my job. But still... something's going on that causes me to have that heavy feeling in my chest that isn't going away like it should. I'm accustom to feeling down every once in a while, but I can usually just sleep it off or wait it out and it's gone. This is different. It's been almost 3 weeks now. Even if I'm around friends and enjoying company of other people, it's still there. There's still a weight that's pulling me so I constantly feel like only a part of myself is happy, while the other part is just this heaviness that's constantly trying to pull me away.
Before when I've had long bouts like this I've always blamed it on bad circumstances and thought to myself that it will get better once I reach certain goals or get to a certain point in my life. I could see clear reasons for my unhappiness. Once I got good friends, once I felt like people liked me, once I got a job I really enjoyed, once I figured out what I want to do with my life, etc. That's the thing though - I'm there now. Really. Everything is going so well for me in my life, there's very little more I could ask for. And I still feel so dark inside.
And that's the part that scares me...
Does this mean that I'm going to always have to deal with this? That I just need to get used to a feeling of lacking or, as cliche as it may sound, a hole in my chest? This is what worries me. I'm afraid I'm going to revert back to my old behaviors, because even if my choices caused me anguish, there still was that moment that I got to forget everything and just enjoy that moment where I could lie to myself for a little while.
I don't want to go back to that. I really don't. But I'd be lying if I said the proposition isn't becoming more and more tempting. It's just so hard feeling like I'm doing what I know I'm supposed to do and feeling like life is just getting more and more difficult, even though everything is going right.
Well, that's all I got for now. Had to let it out.
Thanks
Steff
So I've struggled with depression since I was a kid. It's just been one of those things I've learned to deal with, comes and goes and what not. However, lately it's just been coming, not going.
Throughout my life, I've had various ways to cope with my abundance of emotion, but most of these methods weren't healthy and caused further emotional stress in the long run. My most destructive methods of coping went on for about 2 years. It's now been over a year since I've gone through that, and I feel like those wounds are now mostly healed. My life has reached a relatively stable point and things are really going well for me currently - My dad isn't on the brink of death, I'm making good choices, I'm enjoying school, and I enjoy my job. But still... something's going on that causes me to have that heavy feeling in my chest that isn't going away like it should. I'm accustom to feeling down every once in a while, but I can usually just sleep it off or wait it out and it's gone. This is different. It's been almost 3 weeks now. Even if I'm around friends and enjoying company of other people, it's still there. There's still a weight that's pulling me so I constantly feel like only a part of myself is happy, while the other part is just this heaviness that's constantly trying to pull me away.
Before when I've had long bouts like this I've always blamed it on bad circumstances and thought to myself that it will get better once I reach certain goals or get to a certain point in my life. I could see clear reasons for my unhappiness. Once I got good friends, once I felt like people liked me, once I got a job I really enjoyed, once I figured out what I want to do with my life, etc. That's the thing though - I'm there now. Really. Everything is going so well for me in my life, there's very little more I could ask for. And I still feel so dark inside.
And that's the part that scares me...
Does this mean that I'm going to always have to deal with this? That I just need to get used to a feeling of lacking or, as cliche as it may sound, a hole in my chest? This is what worries me. I'm afraid I'm going to revert back to my old behaviors, because even if my choices caused me anguish, there still was that moment that I got to forget everything and just enjoy that moment where I could lie to myself for a little while.
I don't want to go back to that. I really don't. But I'd be lying if I said the proposition isn't becoming more and more tempting. It's just so hard feeling like I'm doing what I know I'm supposed to do and feeling like life is just getting more and more difficult, even though everything is going right.
Well, that's all I got for now. Had to let it out.
Thanks
Steff
Thursday, December 27, 2012
Year-End Recap
Welp, I'm currently home for the holidays, and as I sit in my old bedroom it somewhat startles me to realize that the year will end in less than a week. It's caused me to reflect a lot on the year 2012. So much has happened this year, honestly it astounds me. As I was sitting here contemplating, I felt compelled to write some of why this year has been so special to me. So yea.... here it is!
Professionally I've grown a lot this year. I took a leap when I left my job at the Herald to go work as a web developer at Steinway Management. I truly loved my coworkers at the Herald, but the job was changing into something that was stressful and damaging to my emotional well-being. I love where I work now - I'm getting paid more and my career feels more stable than it ever has before!
Professionally I've grown a lot this year. I took a leap when I left my job at the Herald to go work as a web developer at Steinway Management. I truly loved my coworkers at the Herald, but the job was changing into something that was stressful and damaging to my emotional well-being. I love where I work now - I'm getting paid more and my career feels more stable than it ever has before!
As strange or insignificant as it may seem, one of the main highlights of 2012 was all that happened in my personal music world. The year started off strong in February with the band Fun. releasing their new album "Some Nights". Not too long after that, my favorite band The Used released an album - their first since 2009. In addition to this, I got to go see my 3rd and 4th Fun. concerts this year with my closest, dearest friend and sister, one of which we went on a short vacation to Las Vegas to see, which was an amazing experience in and of itself! Also in April I was fortunate enough to meet The Used at an in-store signing they did. This was my first ever "fangirl" experience. I'm usually quite good at keeping my composure around people, but that instance proved to be more than I could handle! Warped Tour was another big event. My friend bailed on me, so this was my first concert experience alone. While I would have much preferred to have a companion there with me, that day was fantastic. I got to meet one of my favorite bands - All Time Low as well as Mayday Parade. The best part of the whole thing was getting to see The Used for the first time in concert - it was amazing!!!
I also discovered the band Black Veil Brides this year, which has quickly grown to be one of my favorite bands. I love their music and their message. Bert McCracken also started following me on instagram which, for me, is kind of a big deal.
After all this, my favorite music-related experience of the year would definitely have to be the Boys Like Girls concert I attended that I wrote about a few months ago. Hardly anything can top having a talented musician sing a whole show to you and also you getting to kiss him!
This year has also marked a growth in the relationship with my family, and most importantly my sister. Me and her have always been close, but this year we've gotten to be closer than we ever have before and it has been so fantastic. My family has grown to be closer due to the recent struggles we've been going through. In all honesty, it's been terrifying but I think it's brought us closer together. It's also helped me be able to feel the love of those around me and given me the desire to give back.
More than anything else this year, the most significant part of 2012 for me is just how much I've grown. I believe I have progressed more this year than any other time of my life. This year I FINALLY got my act together and put myself on the right path so I feel like I'm exactly where I should be for the first time in way too many years. I've let go of the harmful habits and practices that I was holding onto oh so tightly. I no longer have to only repress my dark desires because they no longer exist within me which has probably been one of the biggest blessing in my life and definitely not something that I could achieve on my own.
My favorite part of all of this is that I finally know who I am. I've been struggling trying to find my identity for the past several years, and I am now more confident than I ever have been before as to who I am and who I want to be. I've eliminated the parts of myself I created in an attempt to please other people, and I no longer have the the desperate need to "fit in socially". The best part of this whole thing is that as I've embraced who I truly am and have let it shine through, those around me have also embraced it, and knowing that people love you for who you truly are is the best feeling in the world.
This year has been very special to me and I cherish the experiences it has brought me. It has put me on the right path so I have high hopes for 2013. I'll be going back to school for the first time since Fall Semester of 2010 which both excites and terrifies me, but I know it's meant to be the next step in my progression. Also, early 2013 my little sister and best friend will be leaving me for 1.5 years to serve a full time mission. We'll have to go from talking every day to only corresponding once a week through letters/emails.
I feel the future is bright for me and there is limitless potential, and if I continue on as I have in 2012, I know that no matter what happens, I'll come out a better person for it.
Steff
Friday, October 26, 2012
My Boys Like Girls Concert Experience
I first heard of the band Boys Like Girls from a website called Purevolume.com back when I was a Sophomore in High School. This was before the big social media boom of Facebook, and in the golden age of Myspace(which I didn't have because it was scary or something). Anyways, Purevolume was a major social network geared towards finding music and stuff. I was just starting to explore music at this time(aside from whatever was put on the radio), and I liked this Pop Rock band that I had just discovered.
Fast forward a few months. I was staying after school to help put up posters for Freedom week (or something like that. Patriotic week at my high school). One of my peers who I had started to develop a friendship with was playing his iPod on speakers, and I recognized one of the songs on there as one from this band I had recently discovered and liked. I asked him if he had the CD cause I was interested in hearing more of this group. He said he did. A couple of weeks after, I had the CD, and I loved it. This was my first time really getting into a band and knowing more than just a couple of their songs.
Now, 6 years later, I'm a huge band/concert junkie. My music taste has evolved into things a lot heavier than Boys Like Girls. I still have them on my iPod, but I would usually just skip over the songs if they came on shuffle unless I was really in the mood to listen to a song like "Thunder" or "Two Is Better Than One". Through Facebook, I'd found out that the band had recently come off of hiatus and was ready to release new music. I found this interesting, but didn't really care all that much. As previously stated, my taste in music had evolved. My sister Debora had taken an interest in this new development for the band, and would tell me when they released new music and such. I watched an interview with them and they played one of their songs. Once again, it was good, but I still felt meh.
I caught word that they were going on tour, and they were coming to our town. While I wasn't as interested in them as I once was, I felt a sort of loyalty to where I really wanted to see them. Another main reason I wanted to go is because I'm a concert junkie, and I love going to concerts with my sister and I felt like this was one I could convince her to go to. It took a while, but tickets for our venue FINALLY went up for sale, and we quickly got ours.
Couple months later it's the day of the concert. I got my work scheduled so I could leave early, and my sister worked her schedule so we'd be able to go at an ideal time. I wasn't terribly excited to see the bands, it was more of a tribute to my early band years in high school. Mostly, I was just excited to share another concert experience with my sister.
I was late getting ready so we didn't arrive at the venue as early as we had liked. I reasonably sized crowd had formed in anticipation of the doors opening. I was somewhat disappointed because I was hoping to get a spot near the stage for this concert, but judging by the size of the crowd in front of us, that probably wouldn't happen.
Finally the doors open, and it's a mad dash to get inside. Me and Debs get our wristbands from the guys at the door, and run as fast as we can to the entrance to the General Admission Floor. There were about 3 rows of people already formed around the stage by the time we got there. Though a bit discouraged by this position, I was somewhat optimistic from my past concert experience. i have a knack for sneaking in front of people in large crowds. Through some opportunism and lack of aggression on the part of the people in front of me, I weaseled our way to the second row of people. I figured this was as good as we were gonna get since it's pretty freaking difficult to separate people from the barrier at the front of the first row.While waiting I started up a conversation with a guy in front of us by commenting on his tattoos. While he was cordial, it was clear he wasn't really interested in talking to us, so I let the conversation die and we went back to standing and waiting for the opening act. Right before the local opener came out, the tattooed man turned and said he was going to leave and asked if we wanted his spot. Excitedly, I responded with an enthusiastic yes! We made room for him to get out, and I hurried and shoved Debora into his recently vacated spot at the barrier in order to prevent the girls next to us from taking it (give them props for the effort though haha). The local opener came out soon after, me and Debs excited about our new spot right near the band.
Chasing Chance was the first band to perform. They didn't get much attention as they were a local band, but they were talented and had good energy to them. Early into their set me and Debora saw the band looking over into our direction a lot, so me and Debs decided that whenever they would look over in our direction, we'd make a face at them. We did this several times throughout the performance, a couple times making times making the singer lose his composure and start to laugh in the middle of a song. It was great fun.
After Chasing Chance finished their set and the people began to set up for Parachute's set, we got to know the people we were packed next to and became concert friends. I love comradery, especially with the people you're going to be smashed next to for the next few hours.
Finally, Parachute got on and played their set. They were good, but it's really not my style of music so I wasn't really into it that much. The great thing about Parachute's set is that it was the time where an opportunity presented itself to join Debora right up against the barrier, and I became an elite member of the front row, right in front of the center of the stage.
After Parachute played, the crowd became more and more antsy in anticipation of All American Rejects who were up next. I ended up spending the next hour trying to fend off some girl who had decided she wanted to put her arm right in front of me. I can't imagine it was too comfortable for her having her arm smashed between my new concert buddy on the left (Colton) and my chest on the right. She had a death grip on the barrier right in front of me, and since she was so intent on keeping her arm/hand there, I didn't shy away at all from making her as uncomfortable as possible whenever I could.
Finally All American Rejects come on stage and begin to play. They were better than I had expected. I have to qualify that statement though by saying that my expectations were quite low (I'd had quite a few friends tell me that AAR are terrible live). While their musical performance was better than what I had anticipated, their behavior was definitely sub par. I was honestly quite disgusted with the behavior of lead singer Tyson Ritter. From the very beginning it was pretty obvious that he was drunk, high, or a combination of the two. Throughout the performance he was lewd and profane. You could tell he was picking up displeased vibes from the crowd because after one song he commented on how he could tell people were uncomfortable and tried to qualify it by saying "hey, we're a rock and roll band, that's just what we do". That honestly didn't do it for me. I have seen over 15 bands in concert, and I've never seen behavior like that. Plus, they're not even rock and roll. They're a very pop-rock band so I don't see why they think that counts, but I digress...
At one point during AAR's set, Tyson was going on about having his heart broken and stuff (I get the vibe that he recently got out of a relationship or somethen cause boy was he bitter), and he was going on like "oh you Utah girls are just heart eaters, aren't ya?" after which he looked in my general direction so I just smiled and shrugged, and he returned the gesture, which I found to be quite amusing.
AAR finished their set, and while I didn't much approve of the behavior of the lead singer, I will give them props saying that they had great energy and I enjoyed listening to them play. Once they finished, the roadies came out and started moving the equipment around in preparation for Boys Like Girls. As part of this, they threw water bottles out into the crowd, and I caught my second water bottle of the night (the first one was after Parachute's set). I was feeling nice, so I took a sip and then passed it around the crowd. More and more people were trying to wedge their way to the front, so it kept getting progressively harder to breathe and the temperature kept rising. Despite all this, it was still totally worth it to have the font and center spot.
As the roadies set up for Boys Like Girls, they started playing some slow jazz in the background. I felt like this wasn't the wisest choice for getting us pumped up. We were already pretty tired and playing slow, relaxing music just made me feel like going to sleep (and considering how packed in we were, I probably could have just fallen asleep standing up). Thankfully at this point the chick who had previously had her arm in front of me had given up,so I could relax for a bit instead of feeling like I had to constantly try to fend people off.
After a while, the lights all went out, announcing that Boys Like Girls would soon come on stage. The energy in the room shot up, and I felt myself getting more and more antsy. In the dark we saw shadows take their place on the stage and we all began to cheer loudly. The music started playing and we all screamed as Martin got on stage, took his position, and started to sing. I won't lie, I was very impressed with these guys. They're extremely good live and the energy they put out is intoxicating.
Being front and center of the crowd, I noticed that I got a lot of looks from Martin and the guitarist Paul. Continuing on with my previous thing, I started making faces at Paul when he looked at me, and he started making them back at me. This continued throughout the concert and was a source of great enjoyment to me, and the people around me. It got to the point where I would catch him starting to make faces at me, instead of me just being the one to initiate it.
Second song into their set, Boys Like Girls were playing Hero/Heroine. I noticed a few times that as Martin would sing, we'd make eye contact a few times. This got me giddy, but I let it go as he would look all around at everybody (as he should). The first part to really make me happy in this whole encounter was during the part of the song where it goes "I feel like a hero, and you're my heroine". During the second part of the phrase, we both pointed at each other and sang the lyrics. After that my sister turned to me and was like "Oh my gosh, that was to you!" It was then I decided that being the front really is the best possible place to be during a concert.
At one point in between songs, Martin sat down on the side of the stage and commented to us in the front how freaking hot it was and how we dealt with it. I yelled out that we were thirsty and could use some water. He then called out the crew and had them throw water bottles out into the crowd. I wasn't able to grab one, which I thought was slightly unfair considering that I had been the one to suggest it, but oh well.
Throughout the rest of the set, I noticed that me and Martin held eye contact through the majority of the songs. I really enjoyed this, but didn't think of it as too big of a deal. At one point during a song, Martin hops off the stage to the area between the stage and the barriers. All of us surged forward trying to touch his hand or something just so we could say we touched him. I figured he was going to just walk down the aisle and touch peoples hands, as singers at concerts often do. I realized that as he did this, he was still looking at me, and while other people tried to grab his hands, he pulled it free, and grasped my outstretched hand firmly. I was elated. He'd climbed down the stage and came straight for me! He didn't stop there though. Holding my hand, he came right up against the barrier so his face was only a couple inches away from mine. I stopped hearing the music and everything else just got blocked out. I could only thing going through my mind was "oh my gosh, he's right in front of my face" and his freaking blue eyes were looking right into mine, and he was so close and ugh. I had to do SOMETHING. I realized what I would normally do should an attractive man get this close to my face, but unfortunately a microphone was in the way, so I had to make due. I leaned forward and kissed Martin on the forehead. He sang to me a little while longer, and then went to the other parts of the crowd. I was in complete shock. Of all the concerts I'd been to I'd never had an experience like that. I kissed Martin Johnson!
The rest of the concert went on with Martin and I maintaining eye contact throughout most of their set, and me and Paul making faces at each other. Once they played their final song and were throwing water bottles and guitar picks out to the crowd, Martin ripped the set list from off the stage, kissed it, crumpled it up into a ball, and threw it to me. I was in complete shock that all that had happened still.
Me and Debs rushed to the merch stand, hoping to get shirts so we could have a souvenir to remember this awesome experience by. To our disappointment, the shirts were $30(the standard for band t shirts at concerts is $20). One of the people we befriended in the crowd told us that passes to the meet and greet being held later were available for purchase at the merch stand for $20. After some debating, me and Debs decided to do that instead of a shirt. I handed our money to the exceptionally moody merch guy, and much to my delight, he didn't hand us just wristbands, but also full-sized posters - we'd get something to take home and remember it by after all!
As we descended back into the now-emptied general admission area, we were greeted by the friends we had made in the crowd of the concert. I recognized the traditional "meet and greet" set up with the short line of people waiting in front of it. I was somewhat disappointed. Usually things with this set up end up being very impersonal - you hand the band something to sign, they sign it, get all of 15 seconds to talk to them, take a quick picture(if you're lucky), and that's it. Despite my disappointment, I still felt like this was better than nothing at all, I could still express my appreciation to the band in that 15 second window.
After waiting a while, Morgan the bassist and John the drummer emerge, and instead of going to sit at the table, they came and talked with the people in the line. We were able to exchange hugs and pictures, which was nice.
Not too long after that, Paul also came out to mingle with everybody. As he got closer, I made a face at him and he returned it. He came over to talk to us, saying that he enjoyed playing for us and making faces back and forth. We hugged(holy crap that man's skin is soft) and I asked him if I could get a picture with him pulling a face, which he obliged. Right before taking it though he made me check his mouth to see if he had anything cause apparently he had just eaten fish or something. We took the picture, talked for a bit, and then he went to talk to the other people in line.
Finally Martin emerged. He talked with the people in line, but wasn't wanting to do pictures cause he was wanting to get a chance to say hi to everyone and said we'd get a chance to do pictures later. When he came to me and Debs to talk, we hugged and I thanked him for the show, told him it made my night, to which he replied(in an almost surprised/confused manner) "yea, I sang like the whole show to you!" This made me happy confirming that it wasn't just my fangirl imagination running away with me.
Finally the band sat down at the table and the traditional "meet and greet started". We handed them our poster to sign, got a picture, and I thanked them for their performance. They're really very nice guys and very normal. I honestly expected more of an ego considering that they're a pretty mainstream successful band. After Debs got her picture with them, we started to leave, going behind the table to the exit. As we were going, Martin reaches out and grabs my hand, and says "hey, you're awesome. Thanks so much for coming, it was fun playing for you." I thanked him and me and Debs walked up the stairs to go. Once we reached the top of the stairs, me and Debs had a bit of a freak out moment. Neither of us could believe what really happened. On the drive to get our post-concert slushee from Sonic (as is our tradition), we had several moments where we'd just scream like teenage girls because it really was that fantastic.
Of all the concerts I've been to, this one by far is the best I've ever experienced. I went in just out of nostalgia for this band that acted as the gateway to where my taste in music currently lies, and I ended up enjoying it more than the times I've seen my all time favorite bands play just because of how the members of Boys Like Girls act towards their fans, and to me. Boys Like Girls still isn't my favorite style of music, but I have a renewed love for the old songs I used to listen to as a sophomore in high school as they bring back memories of both then and now. Martin, Paul, John, and Morgan may not realize it, but they created a fan for life October 23, 2012.
Steff
Fast forward a few months. I was staying after school to help put up posters for Freedom week (or something like that. Patriotic week at my high school). One of my peers who I had started to develop a friendship with was playing his iPod on speakers, and I recognized one of the songs on there as one from this band I had recently discovered and liked. I asked him if he had the CD cause I was interested in hearing more of this group. He said he did. A couple of weeks after, I had the CD, and I loved it. This was my first time really getting into a band and knowing more than just a couple of their songs.
Now, 6 years later, I'm a huge band/concert junkie. My music taste has evolved into things a lot heavier than Boys Like Girls. I still have them on my iPod, but I would usually just skip over the songs if they came on shuffle unless I was really in the mood to listen to a song like "Thunder" or "Two Is Better Than One". Through Facebook, I'd found out that the band had recently come off of hiatus and was ready to release new music. I found this interesting, but didn't really care all that much. As previously stated, my taste in music had evolved. My sister Debora had taken an interest in this new development for the band, and would tell me when they released new music and such. I watched an interview with them and they played one of their songs. Once again, it was good, but I still felt meh.
I caught word that they were going on tour, and they were coming to our town. While I wasn't as interested in them as I once was, I felt a sort of loyalty to where I really wanted to see them. Another main reason I wanted to go is because I'm a concert junkie, and I love going to concerts with my sister and I felt like this was one I could convince her to go to. It took a while, but tickets for our venue FINALLY went up for sale, and we quickly got ours.
Couple months later it's the day of the concert. I got my work scheduled so I could leave early, and my sister worked her schedule so we'd be able to go at an ideal time. I wasn't terribly excited to see the bands, it was more of a tribute to my early band years in high school. Mostly, I was just excited to share another concert experience with my sister.
I was late getting ready so we didn't arrive at the venue as early as we had liked. I reasonably sized crowd had formed in anticipation of the doors opening. I was somewhat disappointed because I was hoping to get a spot near the stage for this concert, but judging by the size of the crowd in front of us, that probably wouldn't happen.
Finally the doors open, and it's a mad dash to get inside. Me and Debs get our wristbands from the guys at the door, and run as fast as we can to the entrance to the General Admission Floor. There were about 3 rows of people already formed around the stage by the time we got there. Though a bit discouraged by this position, I was somewhat optimistic from my past concert experience. i have a knack for sneaking in front of people in large crowds. Through some opportunism and lack of aggression on the part of the people in front of me, I weaseled our way to the second row of people. I figured this was as good as we were gonna get since it's pretty freaking difficult to separate people from the barrier at the front of the first row.While waiting I started up a conversation with a guy in front of us by commenting on his tattoos. While he was cordial, it was clear he wasn't really interested in talking to us, so I let the conversation die and we went back to standing and waiting for the opening act. Right before the local opener came out, the tattooed man turned and said he was going to leave and asked if we wanted his spot. Excitedly, I responded with an enthusiastic yes! We made room for him to get out, and I hurried and shoved Debora into his recently vacated spot at the barrier in order to prevent the girls next to us from taking it (give them props for the effort though haha). The local opener came out soon after, me and Debs excited about our new spot right near the band.
Chasing Chance was the first band to perform. They didn't get much attention as they were a local band, but they were talented and had good energy to them. Early into their set me and Debora saw the band looking over into our direction a lot, so me and Debs decided that whenever they would look over in our direction, we'd make a face at them. We did this several times throughout the performance, a couple times making times making the singer lose his composure and start to laugh in the middle of a song. It was great fun.
After Chasing Chance finished their set and the people began to set up for Parachute's set, we got to know the people we were packed next to and became concert friends. I love comradery, especially with the people you're going to be smashed next to for the next few hours.
Finally, Parachute got on and played their set. They were good, but it's really not my style of music so I wasn't really into it that much. The great thing about Parachute's set is that it was the time where an opportunity presented itself to join Debora right up against the barrier, and I became an elite member of the front row, right in front of the center of the stage.
After Parachute played, the crowd became more and more antsy in anticipation of All American Rejects who were up next. I ended up spending the next hour trying to fend off some girl who had decided she wanted to put her arm right in front of me. I can't imagine it was too comfortable for her having her arm smashed between my new concert buddy on the left (Colton) and my chest on the right. She had a death grip on the barrier right in front of me, and since she was so intent on keeping her arm/hand there, I didn't shy away at all from making her as uncomfortable as possible whenever I could.
Finally All American Rejects come on stage and begin to play. They were better than I had expected. I have to qualify that statement though by saying that my expectations were quite low (I'd had quite a few friends tell me that AAR are terrible live). While their musical performance was better than what I had anticipated, their behavior was definitely sub par. I was honestly quite disgusted with the behavior of lead singer Tyson Ritter. From the very beginning it was pretty obvious that he was drunk, high, or a combination of the two. Throughout the performance he was lewd and profane. You could tell he was picking up displeased vibes from the crowd because after one song he commented on how he could tell people were uncomfortable and tried to qualify it by saying "hey, we're a rock and roll band, that's just what we do". That honestly didn't do it for me. I have seen over 15 bands in concert, and I've never seen behavior like that. Plus, they're not even rock and roll. They're a very pop-rock band so I don't see why they think that counts, but I digress...
At one point during AAR's set, Tyson was going on about having his heart broken and stuff (I get the vibe that he recently got out of a relationship or somethen cause boy was he bitter), and he was going on like "oh you Utah girls are just heart eaters, aren't ya?" after which he looked in my general direction so I just smiled and shrugged, and he returned the gesture, which I found to be quite amusing.
AAR finished their set, and while I didn't much approve of the behavior of the lead singer, I will give them props saying that they had great energy and I enjoyed listening to them play. Once they finished, the roadies came out and started moving the equipment around in preparation for Boys Like Girls. As part of this, they threw water bottles out into the crowd, and I caught my second water bottle of the night (the first one was after Parachute's set). I was feeling nice, so I took a sip and then passed it around the crowd. More and more people were trying to wedge their way to the front, so it kept getting progressively harder to breathe and the temperature kept rising. Despite all this, it was still totally worth it to have the font and center spot.
As the roadies set up for Boys Like Girls, they started playing some slow jazz in the background. I felt like this wasn't the wisest choice for getting us pumped up. We were already pretty tired and playing slow, relaxing music just made me feel like going to sleep (and considering how packed in we were, I probably could have just fallen asleep standing up). Thankfully at this point the chick who had previously had her arm in front of me had given up,so I could relax for a bit instead of feeling like I had to constantly try to fend people off.
After a while, the lights all went out, announcing that Boys Like Girls would soon come on stage. The energy in the room shot up, and I felt myself getting more and more antsy. In the dark we saw shadows take their place on the stage and we all began to cheer loudly. The music started playing and we all screamed as Martin got on stage, took his position, and started to sing. I won't lie, I was very impressed with these guys. They're extremely good live and the energy they put out is intoxicating.
Being front and center of the crowd, I noticed that I got a lot of looks from Martin and the guitarist Paul. Continuing on with my previous thing, I started making faces at Paul when he looked at me, and he started making them back at me. This continued throughout the concert and was a source of great enjoyment to me, and the people around me. It got to the point where I would catch him starting to make faces at me, instead of me just being the one to initiate it.
Second song into their set, Boys Like Girls were playing Hero/Heroine. I noticed a few times that as Martin would sing, we'd make eye contact a few times. This got me giddy, but I let it go as he would look all around at everybody (as he should). The first part to really make me happy in this whole encounter was during the part of the song where it goes "I feel like a hero, and you're my heroine". During the second part of the phrase, we both pointed at each other and sang the lyrics. After that my sister turned to me and was like "Oh my gosh, that was to you!" It was then I decided that being the front really is the best possible place to be during a concert.
At one point in between songs, Martin sat down on the side of the stage and commented to us in the front how freaking hot it was and how we dealt with it. I yelled out that we were thirsty and could use some water. He then called out the crew and had them throw water bottles out into the crowd. I wasn't able to grab one, which I thought was slightly unfair considering that I had been the one to suggest it, but oh well.
Throughout the rest of the set, I noticed that me and Martin held eye contact through the majority of the songs. I really enjoyed this, but didn't think of it as too big of a deal. At one point during a song, Martin hops off the stage to the area between the stage and the barriers. All of us surged forward trying to touch his hand or something just so we could say we touched him. I figured he was going to just walk down the aisle and touch peoples hands, as singers at concerts often do. I realized that as he did this, he was still looking at me, and while other people tried to grab his hands, he pulled it free, and grasped my outstretched hand firmly. I was elated. He'd climbed down the stage and came straight for me! He didn't stop there though. Holding my hand, he came right up against the barrier so his face was only a couple inches away from mine. I stopped hearing the music and everything else just got blocked out. I could only thing going through my mind was "oh my gosh, he's right in front of my face" and his freaking blue eyes were looking right into mine, and he was so close and ugh. I had to do SOMETHING. I realized what I would normally do should an attractive man get this close to my face, but unfortunately a microphone was in the way, so I had to make due. I leaned forward and kissed Martin on the forehead. He sang to me a little while longer, and then went to the other parts of the crowd. I was in complete shock. Of all the concerts I'd been to I'd never had an experience like that. I kissed Martin Johnson!
The rest of the concert went on with Martin and I maintaining eye contact throughout most of their set, and me and Paul making faces at each other. Once they played their final song and were throwing water bottles and guitar picks out to the crowd, Martin ripped the set list from off the stage, kissed it, crumpled it up into a ball, and threw it to me. I was in complete shock that all that had happened still.
Me and Debs rushed to the merch stand, hoping to get shirts so we could have a souvenir to remember this awesome experience by. To our disappointment, the shirts were $30(the standard for band t shirts at concerts is $20). One of the people we befriended in the crowd told us that passes to the meet and greet being held later were available for purchase at the merch stand for $20. After some debating, me and Debs decided to do that instead of a shirt. I handed our money to the exceptionally moody merch guy, and much to my delight, he didn't hand us just wristbands, but also full-sized posters - we'd get something to take home and remember it by after all!
As we descended back into the now-emptied general admission area, we were greeted by the friends we had made in the crowd of the concert. I recognized the traditional "meet and greet" set up with the short line of people waiting in front of it. I was somewhat disappointed. Usually things with this set up end up being very impersonal - you hand the band something to sign, they sign it, get all of 15 seconds to talk to them, take a quick picture(if you're lucky), and that's it. Despite my disappointment, I still felt like this was better than nothing at all, I could still express my appreciation to the band in that 15 second window.
After waiting a while, Morgan the bassist and John the drummer emerge, and instead of going to sit at the table, they came and talked with the people in the line. We were able to exchange hugs and pictures, which was nice.
Not too long after that, Paul also came out to mingle with everybody. As he got closer, I made a face at him and he returned it. He came over to talk to us, saying that he enjoyed playing for us and making faces back and forth. We hugged(holy crap that man's skin is soft) and I asked him if I could get a picture with him pulling a face, which he obliged. Right before taking it though he made me check his mouth to see if he had anything cause apparently he had just eaten fish or something. We took the picture, talked for a bit, and then he went to talk to the other people in line.
Finally Martin emerged. He talked with the people in line, but wasn't wanting to do pictures cause he was wanting to get a chance to say hi to everyone and said we'd get a chance to do pictures later. When he came to me and Debs to talk, we hugged and I thanked him for the show, told him it made my night, to which he replied(in an almost surprised/confused manner) "yea, I sang like the whole show to you!" This made me happy confirming that it wasn't just my fangirl imagination running away with me.
Finally the band sat down at the table and the traditional "meet and greet started". We handed them our poster to sign, got a picture, and I thanked them for their performance. They're really very nice guys and very normal. I honestly expected more of an ego considering that they're a pretty mainstream successful band. After Debs got her picture with them, we started to leave, going behind the table to the exit. As we were going, Martin reaches out and grabs my hand, and says "hey, you're awesome. Thanks so much for coming, it was fun playing for you." I thanked him and me and Debs walked up the stairs to go. Once we reached the top of the stairs, me and Debs had a bit of a freak out moment. Neither of us could believe what really happened. On the drive to get our post-concert slushee from Sonic (as is our tradition), we had several moments where we'd just scream like teenage girls because it really was that fantastic.
Of all the concerts I've been to, this one by far is the best I've ever experienced. I went in just out of nostalgia for this band that acted as the gateway to where my taste in music currently lies, and I ended up enjoying it more than the times I've seen my all time favorite bands play just because of how the members of Boys Like Girls act towards their fans, and to me. Boys Like Girls still isn't my favorite style of music, but I have a renewed love for the old songs I used to listen to as a sophomore in high school as they bring back memories of both then and now. Martin, Paul, John, and Morgan may not realize it, but they created a fan for life October 23, 2012.
Steff
Monday, July 16, 2012
The Diamond vs. The Star
Yearning, digging, been so strong
Finally achieving my heart's desire
Ending a search that's been life-long
Now the diamond I may acquire
Only a moment to feel the joy
Until something else catches my eye
No chance to experience this new toy
I turn my gaze to the sky
What is a diamond when compared to a star?
Can the sparkle of the world compete with the Celestial?
Do you fall for something that is so far
once everything else becomes so menial
Do you drop what you have to reach for more?
Or do you hold to what you know?
Risk it all, or keep what is sure
Forsake radiance for just a glow
Try to move on, but the sky calls
Leaving the diamond for hopes of ascension
To gain the best, one must lose it all
I take the leap with heavy apprehension
Steff
Finally achieving my heart's desire
Ending a search that's been life-long
Now the diamond I may acquire
Only a moment to feel the joy
Until something else catches my eye
No chance to experience this new toy
I turn my gaze to the sky
What is a diamond when compared to a star?
Can the sparkle of the world compete with the Celestial?
Do you fall for something that is so far
once everything else becomes so menial
Do you drop what you have to reach for more?
Or do you hold to what you know?
Risk it all, or keep what is sure
Forsake radiance for just a glow
Try to move on, but the sky calls
Leaving the diamond for hopes of ascension
To gain the best, one must lose it all
I take the leap with heavy apprehension
Steff
Monday, June 18, 2012
The Honest Liar
He was the best at its worst
My most painful joy
The honest liar
deceived me into believing
Blinded me so I could see
hindsight is 20/20
he stole it out from under me
into a web so well hidden
Scars that go so deep
phantom faces in my sleep
tainted memories from the past
stain what has not yet come to pass
Forgotten and vanished from your mind
only to have you burned into mine
-Steff
Thursday, February 23, 2012
To the Onlookers,
While not completely guilty,
You have the shame of association.
Turned your heads from cruelty,
ignoring it 'till cessation.
Not the bully,
just observed.
Crying out for someone to help me
You never said a word
Didn't commit the crime
but you bear the sin.
Just 'cause you forgot over time,
doesn't heal the scares within.
Your decision to ignore one's plight
Or decide to turn a blind eye
doesn't put you in the right,
or means that they don't cry
You'll never know what you didn't do
or the difference you could have made.
Walk away, let the cycle continue
While a heart begs to be saved.
Steff
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